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The Complaining Tongue

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30 Days To Taming Your Tongue_Cover_updated2018The five daughters of Zelophehad had a problem.   Their father had died in the wilderness before the Israelites came into the Promised Land.  Zelophehad did not have any sons to inherit his portion of the land and the law did not provide for women to receive the son’s portion instead.  Consequently, his daughters not having a father, brother, husband, son or any other man in their immediate family were left out completely. Rather than complaining to others, they called a “congressional hearing” (Numbers 27) and presented their petition for an inheritance to Moses and the leaders. When Moses took their case to God, He agreed with the women and granted their request. Now, what do you think the outcome would have been had they simply whined to anyone in the multitude who would listen rather than bringing it those in authority? I doubt that they would have gotten an inheritance.  Further, women might still be precluded from owning real estate!

A legitimate complaint can only be resolved if you direct it to the one who can change your situation. Only a few people who are dissatisfied, annoyed or upset by an experience actually take steps to officially complain about it.  They prefer to waste time soliciting others to commiserate with them.  What an exercise in futility! Not only could their input to the right person improve things for them but for others as well.  For example, on several occasions, I find myself in a store where the line is growing longer by the minute. Rather than joining the other customers who are whining about the situation, I seek out (sometimes yell for) the store manager and ask him to open another register. Most of the time this works.

The psalmist in Psalms 142:1-2 (NAS) chose not to bore, frustrate, or waste the time of others with his complaints. “I cry aloud with my voice to the LORD; I make supplication with my voice to the LORD. I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare my trouble before Him.”  He chose to complain only to the one who could bring change.  Notwithstanding, even God tires of constant complaints.

Someone once said, “To swear is wicked because it is taking God’s name in vain. To murmur is likewise wicked for it takes God’s promises in vain.” During your 30-day “tongue fast”, become aware of how often you complain about non-essential matters such as a rainy day, traffic jams, boring television programs, lazy co-workers, and the like.

Since complaining is contagious, this is a hard mouth malady to cure. In the past, I have found myself joining in with complaining wives just to have something in common with them even though my husband was not guilty of the things about which they complained.  I knew that I risked envy and alienation if I confessed to what a wonderful, supportive man that he is. Sometimes I would try to search for something to whine about and would come up with something as shallow as the fact that he eats several times a day–providing a constant temptation for me the eternal dieter.  The man maintains his proper weight and makes his own food most of the time!  What is there to complain about except that I resent his metabolism?

If you are a complainer, you must start to resist the constant “ain’t it awful” party. Trust me, others will be glad that you did and will stop dreading conversations with you.  This is not to say that you shouldn’t seek an occasional sympathetic ear or wise counsel from a valued source.  However, if you are going to ignore their advice and continue to rehearse the problem each time that you converse, beware.  Thy listener shall soon become weary of thee!  When you feel a complaint coming on, replace it with a statement of gratitude or a declaration of a Scripture that you have personalized.

Here is my favorite affirmation for keeping complaining at bay:

“Because God works all things together for my good, according to His purpose for my life, I will not complain.”

EXCERPTED FROM:  30 Days to Taming Your Tongue (Harvest House Publishers); over one million sold.

Thanksgiving Dinner Aftermath!

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Thanksgiving dinner is over and while I’d love to think that it went well for all of you, I know that’s not everybody’s reality. Maybe you had to deal with a problematic, cranky, or divisive relative—the kind that leaves you resolving, “NEVER AGAIN!” Or, perhaps you had some disappointing “no shows” despite the fact that they RSVP’d for the dinner and you prepared food accordingly. Now brace yourself because what I’m about to tell you may not be what you want to hear.

  • First, decide that you are going to forgive them… yes, just decide. You don’t have to “feel” like it.  Simply decide as an act of obedience to God who commands us to forgive (release any desire for payback) all offenses (Mark 11:26). Feelings follow actions; you will feel better knowing you have pleased the Lord.

 

  • Next, ask God IF or WHEN you should discuss the situation with the problem person. If you decide to confront, get the facts first by asking non-accusatory questions that seek to understand. Example:  “Was something going on with you on Thanksgiving that we need to talk about?” “We missed you on Thanksgiving. I figured something came up since you had indicated you were coming. Is everything all right?” (DO NOT ADD… “If you had any class you would have called!!” (lol); some people have simply not been taught social etiquette.  Give ‘em mercy…)

 

  • Finally, ask yourself what character trait God is trying to work out or develop in YOU through this situation (patience, flexibility, etc.).  Every “situation” has a purpose for those of us who love God (Romans 8:28). Don’t let your frustration cause you to miss it!

 

Facing My Truth!

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Women covering her eyesI received an email recently from one of my readers who confessed that she is having a problem with “jealousy” in a particular relationship. She wanted to be honest with herself about it. I gave her my input but marveled at God’s timing because, only a few days before, I too had decided to face the TRUTH about a certain issue.

You see, I’ve been on a diet since Jesus ascended into the Heavens (or it seems like it!). Some time ago, I went on an pricey program and lost noticeable weight but when I saw it was creeping back, I went into denial and stopped weighing myself. I just didn’t want to go on another strict plan because it is so inconvenient to our busy lifestyle—and I hate high protein/low carb eating (which really works for me; vegetarian eating makes me gain weight).

Well, I had my annual physical last week. I closed my eyes when the nurse weighed me so that I couldn’t see what the scale registered. I dared her to tell me.

However, the next morning, I decided to face the Truth—who is always a Friend and Motivator. I looked at my medical visit summary and although I didn’t like what I saw, I kept my joy. I reminded myself of all the blessings and favor I have in my life. I’m active (more than most in my age bracket) and can walk several miles at a good clip. I’m not on ANY medication for ANYTHING. Plus, I’m saved, sane, and a productive member of society, impacting the world with my gift of writing and pointing people to the Word. I have a great, long-term (39-yr) marriage and great relationships with my family (well, MOST of ’em) and in-laws.

NOW ALL THAT IS FINE AND DANDY, BUT I STILL HAVE NOT ACHIEVED FITNESS! UGGGGH!!!!

As a public speaker, I have to live with the reality that people LOOK at women before they LISTEN to them. {Actually, in some environments, a little extra weight makes a woman more “relatable” as the audience identifies with her struggle. Wonderful–but that’s not my goal.}  Now, being a Joy Fanatic and not one to stay in the dumps for more than a few seconds, I asked myself, “What now?” I re-committed to taking practical steps to conquering this giant—without sacrificing too much quality of life. I’m not going to be obsessive, but I’ll continue my fight for fitness. By the grace of God, I will consistently drink 64-80 oz of water per day, engage in some form of exercise 5x a week for 30-45 minutes, eat less, and GET BED AT A DECENT HOUR (the main problem in my case).

So, my friends, if you have been in denial about any aspect of your life, I say decide NOW to make TRUTH your friend. We have the ULTIMATE HELPER—the Holy Spirit who guides us into ALL TRUTH (John 16:13) and empowers us to do what we have to do. STAY IN THE GAME; VICTORY IS OURS.

Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: Avoid Sarcasm–Part 2*

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Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: Strategies for a Better Outlook on Life (B880)Please Read Part 1 for background info and Strategy #1 on how to avoid sarcasm: Strategies 2-4 appear below:

2) Practice a more direct approach to expressing your displeasure. Posing a simple question designed to gain a better understanding will go a long way. For example, rather than asking “What in the world were you thinking?” try, “What strategy or goal did you have in mind when you made that move?” This latter statement expresses confidence that surely some forethought was applied. God will give you the right words to say if you ask him to do so. “…those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything…) (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6 NLT).

3) Consider the implications and consequences of what you are about to say before you say it. Ask yourself, “Will my words imply that the hearer is stupid or has poor judgment? Do they tear down or do they build? “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV). Make sure every word passes the “benefit” test.

4) Consider how you would feel if someone were to say to you, what you are about to say to another. Let the Golden Rule be your guide!

Prayer

Father, I need wisdom in becoming more sensitive to what I say to others. Teach me how to be more accepting of other people’s shortcomings just as you are accepting of mine. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

*Adapted from Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life by Deborah Smith Pegues (available April 1, 2014) (Harvest House Publishers)

 

 

Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: Avoid Sarcasm–Part 1*

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Do you regularly respond to a person or a group’s actions or decisions in a way that is opposite of what you really feel—as evidenced by your tone or body language (smirking, raising eyebrows, cocking your head to the side, or sighing)? Sarcasm can ruin your relationships as its goal is usually to scorn, belittle, insult, or express irritation or disapproval. You can find it in all social interactions–at home, in sports, romantic relationships, and at church to name a few. Consider these examples:

At home: Junior brings in his report card which reflects low grades in all subjects. Dad says, “Way to go, Einstein!” Dad is expressing his frustration by saying the opposite of what he’s really feeling.

Romantic relationship: John buys his wife Sue a pair of very small diamond earrings. Sue, who had hoped for larger gems, says, “Boy, these are really going to blind people!”

How has your sarcastic attitude affected your life? How do you typically respond to your recurring frustrations or irritations with others? Perhaps you have convinced yourself that you are not sarcastic at all, but rather witty or humorous. Perhaps you are not aware that your sarcasm most likely leaves the hearer feeling diminished or devalued. If you want to begin to address this poor communication style, consider these strategies:

1) Admit your motive for being sarcastic. You may be attempting to control other people or to shame them out of behavior that you disapprove. Face it, the only person you can control is yourself. Or, maybe you are trying to display your great intellect by calling attention to the deficiency of another.

Stay tuned for strategies #3-4… in Part II

*Adapted from Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life
by Deborah Smith Pegues (available April 1, 2014)