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5 Resolutions to Make & Keep Before Year-End

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I love new beginnings, so I habitually make New Year’s resolutions. Each January for the past 40 years, I’ve been vowing to “get in top physical condition”. You could say that I’ve made some progress, losing over 200-pounds—technically, if you consider that I’ve lost the same 10 pounds about twenty times. But I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach as the next year looms. You see, I think it’s more important to finish strong than to beat yourself up for abdicating your “start”. So, I’m asking you to join me in these Year-End resolutions.

Spiritually: Decide that the Word of God will be your “lamp” that will direct every aspect of your life. Lock in on a Scripture that promises peace of mind. Personalize it into a declaration. Write it down for quick reference or memorize it. Each time you feel stressed or anxious, make it your “go-to” option during the rest of the year. Example: “Father, I thank you for keeping me in perfect peace because my mind is fixed on you.”

Physically: Commit to going to bed in time to get seven or eight hours of sleep; the earlier the better since certain metabolic and “cell renewal” processes take place at specific times of the night.

Relationally: Reach out and make peace with an estranged family member or friend via a phone call, card, text, or whatever you feel they will respond to. “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you and hope that we can connect. Let’s talk at your earliest convenience.”

Emotionally: Let go of envy and unforgiveness.

Financially: Resolve to finish the year in the black; don’t go in the red on holiday spending.

Hey, we can do this… we have a powerful HELPER!

SCARED OF DYING?

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Every member of the human race will eventually have a date with death. It is inevitable and its timing uncertain; consequently, almost everyone has some modicum of anxiety about it.

My father passed away in July 2009 of congestive heart failure. I spent the final month of his life with him in a small, hot Texas town. Although he’d achieved only an eighth-grade education, he was a successful entrepreneur. Many of the locals held him in high esteem as he cruised the pot-holed streets in his exotic cars. He was very active in his church and enjoyed his status as the top donor. What I found most interesting during the entire ordeal of his impending death was the nature of his final requests:

  • “I’d like to hear my sister Althea’s voice. Do you think you can arrange that?” She lived on the East Coast and they rarely spoke. There was no rift in the relationship; just never enough time to connect.
  • “Tell my sons to come and see about me. I can’t take care of myself.” All six lived in California and were already en route. He was never the type to express any kind of vulnerability or to do “mushy stuff” like send a birthday card or say, “I love you.” I marveled at the power of death to humble the proudest of souls.

I knew that my father was afraid to die, even though he had heard many sermons on death during almost a lifetime in church. Indeed, he had a reason to be afraid, for there was unfinished business between him and a couple of his fellow church leaders. He had flatly refused to forgive them for an offense that had hurt him deeply and had cost him a cherished fifty-year friendship. Of course, he was not without fault in the matter. We’d had many discussions about the situation during the past year. I was more concerned about his unforgiveness than his death because I knew it was hindering his fellowship with God. Jesus was emphatic about the impact of unforgiveness: “If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:15).

I finally took matters into my own hands and called his offenders. They expressed a willingness to forgive and finally made the necessary phone calls to reconcile with him. I rejoiced. I also led my father in a prayer of repentance for all his sins. I know that he is now resting in peace.

Thanksgiving Dinner Aftermath!

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Thanksgiving dinner is over and while I’d love to think that it went well for all of you, I know that’s not everybody’s reality. Maybe you had to deal with a problematic, cranky, or divisive relative—the kind that leaves you resolving, “NEVER AGAIN!” Or, perhaps you had some disappointing “no shows” despite the fact that they RSVP’d for the dinner and you prepared food accordingly. Now brace yourself because what I’m about to tell you may not be what you want to hear.

  • First, decide that you are going to forgive them… yes, just decide. You don’t have to “feel” like it.  Simply decide as an act of obedience to God who commands us to forgive (release any desire for payback) all offenses (Mark 11:26). Feelings follow actions; you will feel better knowing you have pleased the Lord.

 

  • Next, ask God IF or WHEN you should discuss the situation with the problem person. If you decide to confront, get the facts first by asking non-accusatory questions that seek to understand. Example:  “Was something going on with you on Thanksgiving that we need to talk about?” “We missed you on Thanksgiving. I figured something came up since you had indicated you were coming. Is everything all right?” (DO NOT ADD… “If you had any class you would have called!!” (lol); some people have simply not been taught social etiquette.  Give ‘em mercy…)

 

  • Finally, ask yourself what character trait God is trying to work out or develop in YOU through this situation (patience, flexibility, etc.).  Every “situation” has a purpose for those of us who love God (Romans 8:28). Don’t let your frustration cause you to miss it!

 

The Physical Rewards of Forgiving

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GIVING-TO-OTHERS-WHAT-GOD-GIVES-TO-METhe act of forgiveness can literally take a load off your chest. So says Dr. Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project. In his bestselling book, Forgive for Good, A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, he reports that several research studies found that just the mere idea of forgiving someone allowed some people to feel better. On the other hand, if the participants in the study imagined themselves as unforgiving, they had negative reactions, such as high blood pressure. Throughout the book, he explains that people who are more forgiving report fewer symptoms of stress and health problems. Failure to forgive may be more significant than hostility as a risk factor for heart disease.

We can go a long way in promoting our general health just by choosing to forgive. Unforgiving people keep themselves in a constant state of tension by thinking often about the situation and people involved in a transgression. Such chronic tension can lead to depression and hopelessness. I know because I’ve seen it manifest in my family and several close acquaintances. Their bitterness and resentment have impacted every corner of their lives.

Why allow offenders to rent free space in our heads and control the quality of our lives by focusing on them? We can choose to avoid the stress and tension associated with reliving the hurtful situation—when we choose to forgive. Decide to disconnect that ball and chain today. Don’t worry about letting the perpetrator off the hook; you will only be disconnecting YOURSELF from the hook. You can do this.  LEARN FROM THE BURN, BUT FORGIVE TO LIVE.

A Prayer for When You Have Been FINANCIALLY DISADVANTAGED or RIPPED OFF

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robber-holding-money-bags-while-running

Father, I have been financially disadvantaged in my dealings with X. By Your grace, I lay down my anger, frustration, disappointment, and unforgiveness. Because You guard all that is mine (Psalm 16:5), this outcome did not catch You by surprise. Help me put the loss in perspective and to remember that You can restore exceedingly and abundantly above all that I can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Father, I need Your wisdom for how to proceed in resolving this matter—through legal channels or by simply forgiving the debt. I do not want to enable X to continue in her evil, dysfunctional,  or irresponsible ways, but neither do I want to destroy her emotionally, financially, or otherwise. Show me where I may have failed to communicate or formally document my expectations. Help me to see if I set X up for failure with terms or conditions that were too vague, too onerous, or even too lenient.

O Lord, You know the current state of X’s finances and whether she has the ability to repay me now or in the future. If she has dealt with me deceitfully, convict her of her sin. Your Word declares that bread gained by deceit is sweet, but afterward the deceiver’s mouth will be full of gravel (Proverbs 20:17). I pray that X will find no satisfaction, profit, or peace in the fruit of her deception.

Give her the courage to come forward and resolve this issue in a manner that honors You. Let her not be named among the wicked who refuse to pay back what they owe (Psalm 37:21). Rather, help her to become an upright person guided by integrity (Proverbs 11:3).

Father, thank You that You have made me a lender and not a bor rower. I acknowledge that You own everything I possess (Psalm 24:1). I want to be a good, discerning  steward of all You have entrusted into my care. Please do not let a root of bitterness spring up in me and stop me from helping others because of this disappointing outcome.

I submit this financial loss to You. I choose to walk in forgiveness and in the freedom-giving truth that You are the avenger of every wrong. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

My Most Eventful Month of the Decade!

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Forgive,-Let-Go,-and-Live_bI hope that you’ve all had a great summer. August has been an eventful month for me.

On August 1, my new book,  Forgive, Let Go, and Live,  was released by Harvest House Publishers. I’m really excited about its potential to free people who are stuck in their story of hurt and offense. Here is a capsule of some of the key content:
• 25 Real Stories of the Tragedy of Revenge and the Triumph of Forgiveness
• 10 Signs That It’s Time to Let Go of a Hurtful Relationship
• A 12-Step Mini Program for Forgiveness
• 5 Rewards of Letting Go of an Offense
• 20 Scripture-based Prayers to Release Specific Hurts and Offenses

It is so critical that we guard our peace of mind and make every effort to have harmonious relationships in the various circles of our lives. Nothing gets accomplished without people.  You may read an excerpt and purchase the book at Amazon.com (https://goo.gl/dG761w) –or if you insist on wanting an autographed copy, order it from my website: www.ConfrontingIssues.com.

The second weekend in August, I traveled to Orlando, Fl for the culmination of my training to become an independent, certified John Maxwell Leadership Coach! I’m delighted to be associated with John and his team. He has been named the number one leadership guru in the world. John has set the bar pretty high and by the grace of God, I’ll try to keep it there. I plan to conduct corporate masterminds, seminars, and other gatherings primarily around the issue of connecting effectively with people and adding value to their lives.

Finally, on August 15, I was delighted to participate in the commencement ceremony of Next Dimension University, a private accredited Bible college on a mission to stamp out biblical illiteracy. They awarded me an honorary doctorate in Theology along with gospel greats Yolanda Adams, Fred Hammond, and others who are making a difference in the world. And no, you don’t have to call me Dr. Deborah!

I pray that you are pursuing your God-ordained purpose and being fulfilled in every way. Don’t be a victim to procrastination or fear—and for goodness sake, don’t wait until you feel “totally qualified” to step out on faith. Know that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that you could ask or think—according to the power that works IN YOU (Ephesians 3:20). Be blessed and thanks for being a part of my “tribe”.

“Forgive, Let Go, and Live” ….Coming August 1, 2015

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To “Look Inside” the book , go to Amazon.com, cut and paste this link:   https://goo.gl/dG761w

Here is what’s waiting:

25  Real Stories of  the Tragedy of Revenge and the Triumph of Forgiveness

 6 Questions to Ask Yourself When Contemplating Revenge

 5 Things to Consider Before Restoring a Relationship

 10 Signs That It’s Time to Let Go of a Hurtful Relationship

 12-Step Mini Program for Forgiveness

 5 Rewards of Letting Go of an Offense

 9 Essential Acts When Seeking Forgiveness from Another

 20 Scripture-based Prayers to Release Specific Hurts and Offenses