Book Excerpts

Excerpt from: Socially Confident in 60 Seconds  

Chapter 1

Wisdom for a Winning Personality

          You could be the most polished or sophisticated person on the planet, however, if people don’t like you, you’ll have fewer and fewer opportunities to interact with them. Some individuals have the kind of personality that brightens up a room while others improve the environment by their departure.

Personality is the visible aspect of your character as it impresses others. Without a pleasing personality, achieving your personal and professional goals will be an uphill battle. This chapter is not about changing who you are or becoming a people pleaser. It is about coming to grips with the fact that whatever you desire in life will be achieved through other people. Consequently, you must be mindful of behaviors and character traits that attract people and those that repel them.

As you read the following tips for a winning personality, consider areas where you need to shore up your interactions with others.

  • Smile.  Keep it genuine; don’t do it just to show off your new cosmetic veneers or caps (however, if you need them, they’ll be a great investment and will boost your confidence). Let your eyes smile also. A smile reflects your mental attitude and can affect the attitude of others.
  • Listen. Be genuinely interested in other people. Limit the number of times you say “I” during your conversations.
  • Respect other people’s opinions. No need to argue about non-eternal matters or those that do not affect the quality of your life.
  •  Don’t be a moocher; always pay your share—and then some.
  • Be humble. Don’t brag about your position, possessions, people you know, or places you’ve traveled. Humility tops the chart as the most admired character trait; pride and arrogance are the most detestable.
  • Don’t succumb to your insecurities. Avoid self-put downs. Know that you are adequate for every task for your sufficiency comes from God (2 Corinthians 3:5). Confidence is a great people magnet.
  • Make every effort to remember names. To him, a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Always make the other person feel important and valued; do it sincerely and without hidden motives. Booker T. Washington said, “A sure way to lift one’s self up is by helping to lift someone else.”
  • Praise the small and large accomplishments of others, especially your employees and family members.
  • Be flexible and patient when unexpected situations arise. Learning to go with the flow will increase your emotional and spiritual maturity.
  • Be a team player. It will take you farther than being the Lone Ranger. Don’t worry about getting credit; you’ll get what’s yours.
  • Earn the right to give constructive criticism by consistently showing concern for the other person’s well-being. Always give him your input in private and after much prayer.
  • Laugh.  Look for the humor in negative situations. Laughter releases endorphins, the chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. Laughter is also contagious.
  • Learn to be “bi-social”. Know when to relax the rules of etiquette according to the situation or environment, lest you appear stuffy and pretentious.